Donnie watches TNA 2007

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion-Gail Kim-14/10/07

TNA Impact
November 8th, 2007
Impact Zone

Scott Hall has arrived backstage.

Tonight; Sting/Joe/EY vs Kurt/Beer Money

Match#1 Christian Cage vs Kaz (Fight for the Right Finals)
Kaz grabs an arm right away to control and does some fine basics to it, and Cage sells it very well as you'd expect. Cage can't get anything going as Kaz baits in him and gets him to lose his head, and Kaz is able to stay on him. Cage tries to use the ropes to kick Kaz like he's been doing as of late, BUT KAZ CUTS HIM OFF AND HITS THE LEGDROP TO CRUSH HIM FIRST. FUCK YEAH. We come back from the break with Cage in control as we see he threw him into the post, and he attacks the now bad arm with some sweet work. Kaz's attempted comebacks are really good as he's throwing big dropkicks and trying his best to get it going, and it's the best he's looked since he got back. He goes for broke with a massive leg drop off the top but he misses and crashes and burns. Cage knocks him off again and hits the Frog Splash for a wild near fall. Cage tries the Unpreitter, but Kaz counters into the Flux Capacitor for the first time in a year and nearly gets the win, but Cage kicks out at the last moment. AJ comes down to help, but Kaz takes him out with a Tope. He takes Tomko out as well, but Cage sets the ladder up in between the bottom rope and sends up into Kaz's face to win the right to. fight.
**3/4

Matt Morgan comes out in a bad suit and calls this in an instant screwjob. He says Corny is gone right now, and he's the shot caller of TNA and this is now a no contest. He makes Kaz vs Cage at the PPV in a ladder match for the finals. Very good booking, so kudos.

In the back, Kurt is very upset about Hall being here, and Nash says maybe he's mad because he turned his back on him and wasn't there for him when he got into trouble. They argue until Karen breaks it up, and says she's going to talk to him and take care of business.

In the back, Cage loses his shit about a loser like Morgan screwing him when he's never beaten anyone in his life. He's not happy about this at all, but at least they'll be doing this in HIS match. Kaz can try and climb to the top, but there's only one name up there and it's the instant classic. Tomko says they've been together for a long time and he wants to know if he's his #1 guy, or if it's AJ. Cage says they've been up and down the roads together but Tomko keeps thinking when he tells him not to, so AJ is in charge when he's not around until Tomko stops thinking. AJ is very happy about this and says he's a wrestling champion just like Steiner, so he's challenging him to 5 minutes to see who can get the most takedowns. Ewww, please don't.

Match#2 Gail Kim vs Alexia Jade
Fine little showcase for Gail. Tenay says she will defend against OBD, Roxxi and Love at the PPV. So, it's cool to see them building the thing. Gail wins with the Air Raid Crash.
*

VKM come out to talk smack about how Roxxi is going to kill her, and Roxxi sneaks in and attacks her and lays her out with a backbreaker slam. VKM becoming managers is a far better use of them. Love runs down and attacks Roxxi and holds the title up, but OBD comes down and drops her and poses with the title. Gail gets back and dropkicks her and gets her title back.

In the back, Karen tries to seduce a very fat and bloated Scott Hall, and it's as gross as you can imagine. Scott rejects her and calls her a rat, and says he's here for Kevin Nash and nothing else. Karen walks out and goes into the men's room for some reason.

Earlier tonight, 3D attacked Sharky and Petey and put them through tables in the catering area.

Matt Morgan comes out to to make an announcement, and Mike reads a card that it will be Jay Lethal vs Dutt for the title.

Match#3 Team 3D vs Jay Lethal & Abyss
Jay hits Bubba with arm drags and a takedown, and the big man is shook and bumps around huge for him. 3D cut him off as Bubba sends him dick first into the post, and they go to work with a fun control seg as they're super mean and motivated again. They beat the piss out of him and Bubba throws some sick punches and talks a world of a crap as he does it. Jay fights back and gets Abyss in for a fun hot tag as they die for him and his now mostly awful looking offence. Jay kills D-Von with the Elbow from half way across the ring and for a wild near fall. Black Reign comes down and attacks Abyss and fights him in the crowd. Back in the ring, Jay tries his best to fight the odds, but D-Von low blows him and they beat him with the 3D.
**1/2

The monster losers have a terrible fight in the crowd, and 3D get a table and set it up to kill Jay. They put him on the table and whip him with their belts and beat the hell out of him. The Guns run down for the save and hold the ring.

In the back, Karen tells Kurt it didn't work and they argue some more.

Kurt now comes out in full gear like old times. He says this is shake and bake time and he wants Hall out here now in 10 seconds. Scott doesn't show up (LOL) so Kurt leaves to look for him.

Kurt finds EY in Hall's locker room and asks where Scott is, and he says right here as Scott walks in. 6FT6 and more handsome than ten movie stars. Kurt tells him to stay out of this, and Scott shoves him against a wall and bends his arm back as he says this is between him and Kevin. Kurt begs him to let go like a massive bitch, and Scott does just that. Well, this is not good.

In the back, Scotty calls people skanks and says AJ doesn't have the size and strength to fight him. AJ's old lady put him in bed with his Toy Story and Cars bed, and then she calls him to see what a real man is. AJ is in the big time and he's going to kick his ass BIG TIME.

Match#4 AJ Styles vs Scott Steiner (5 Minute Takedown Match)
The ropes are down and it's a wild sight to see a Bloodsport type set up in the Impact Zone of all places. AJ shoots a few times and Steiner pushes him away with ease, and AJ gets mad with that famous temper and throws his headgear off in anger. AJ throws powder in his eyes, AND TAKES HIM DOWN AND DOES PUSH UPS TO MOCK HIM. YEAH GET HIM. He takes him down again and again to go 3-0. Scott finally gets him as AJ runs at him, and he slams him again and again to even it up. He hits a big belly to belly to get the lead, but Tomko attacks for the DQ
*3/4

They beat him down until the corpse of Rick Steiner makes the save. Scotty DRILLS AJ with a wild overhead and knocks him out of the ring with it.

In the back, Hall leaves Sting's lockeroom.

In the back, Nash says this is between him and Scott now, and God help them all if he does what he thinks he's about to. He leaves as everyone is confused.

There's a woman in the crowd with a pro Roode sign, and she stares Brooks down.

Match#5 Samoa Joe, Sting & Eric Young vs Kurt Angle, James Storm & Robert Roode w/Jackie Moore & Ms Brooks
Joe's head has a bandage over it, and he's ready to kill Roode, so Sting has to get him to back down and he starts off. Awesome fight with Roode to start as Sting is still Sting in spite of his horrid booking. Roode runs off, so Joe gets in and beats Storm's ass out of anger and does the walk away spot to a big pop. EY and Kurt fight, and EY is a mad man full of fire and beats Kurt up and hits him with the phone book from last week. Kurt cuts him off with a suplex and goes to town. Fun control seg as he keeps it simple and mean as possible, and EY is a bump freak and dies as he should for Kurt. Joe gets the hot tag and lights Storm and Kurt up as Roode avoids dying until he sneaks in a punch to the back of the head to knock him down. Beer Money work together to kick his ass, and it's a lovely look into the future. Joe fights back and finally cracks him with knees and beats his face in, and then Sting gets in for the hot tag and does Sting things. It all breaks down, and Sting beats Storm with the Deathlock.
**3/4

Kevin comes out and asks to speak to Hall, and he comes out with his amazing 2002 theme. He looks like complete trash as this point is maybe the darkest of his life and will be until DDP saves his life, so i'm not going to be a cunt. But none of this is good and he shouldn't be anywhere near a ring. Anyway, Scott makes a joke about Nash having grey hair now and he didn't realise they were maturing now, and Kev says he had to grow up eventually. Scott says he used to be real easy to find when they ruled the world, but now he's in the gutter staggering he's nowhere to be found. Kevin says he used to be the one staggering next to him, and he had to stop to save his family and he didn't know how to help Scott, and for that he's sorry. Hall says they can talk about the old times and put everyone to sleep, but that was then and this is now. It's good to see him and they've got Today and God willing they've got tomorrow. He's not Sting's partner and never will be. They hug as Mike and DW are very angry about why any of this happened if that's the case, and hey i agree. Kurt now comes out and says what i just said, and now Sting comes out and stands there to close the show.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion-Gail Kim-14/10/07

TNA GENESIS
NOVEMBER 11TH, 2007
THE IMPACT ZONE

TNA's opening video is about being born and finding yourself in the world of TNA. A true nightmare for anyone.

In the back, a limo has arrived.

Match#1 Abyss vs Black Reign (Shop of Horrors)
TNA now has Dustin's work shop at ringside hence the name, but like TNA should have gotten a giant Venus Fly Trap and had it eat both of them. They fight on the ramp and beat the crap out of each as it's PPV and they're working hard. Abyss breaks a plaster board over Dustin's skull and chucks him into the crowd for our crowd brawl. They fight back around to the ramp where Dustin gets a key out and tries to open a giant box, but Abyss cuts him off. They fight some more and Abyss gets suplexd onto a trash can for a nasty spill. Dustin beat him up with plunda shots and bloodies him, and it's a lot of fun as it's simple and has loads of brain damage. Abyss gets a barb wire bat and smacks him in the stomach, and then murders him with a truly awesome Chokeslam off the stage with a hideous thud as Dustin splats. Abyss drags him back down and STICKS IN HIS HAND IN THE VICE AND CRUSHES IT. Mitchell comes out to let him loose and gives him something. Mitchell gets in Abyss' face and has the rat stuck down his shirt. DUSTIN GETS IN AND HITS THE PEDIGREE ONTO FUCKING RAT TRAPS FOR A WILD ASS NEAR FALL. Dustin beats his head in with a cane over and over, and gets some brass knucks that MItchell gave him. Abyss catches him running at him with the BHS to pull the win out.
**1/2

Abyss gets the key and goes up the stage and unlocks the box and a masked man comes out and spits mist on him. He beats the shit out of him like a Killer spelt backwards or something. Dustin joins in and helps to kill him with the hammer. They lock him in the box and shove it off the stage.

In the back, JB tries to find out whose in the limo, but blackshirts won't let him see. He tries to argue, they kick him out.

Hype for 3D/Guns.

In the back, The Guns say they're fighting for their place amongst the best teams and they're using 3D as stepping stones. Shelley says they're going to take aim at them and getting ready to evolve wrestling. The fans will cheer them because they're fighting for them as well, and new fans who don't them, will know them after this.

Match#2 The Motor City Machine Guns vs Team 3D
The Guns rush them on the stage for a big fight of kicking their fat fucks asses all over the Zone. They double team Bubba as they beat the breaks off him, and D-Von actually bumps around as well, but this is Bubba showing he can still be awesome when he cares. 3D bail and goes to leave, but the Guns bait them back into the fray. Sabin refuses to take any shit and uses his speed to tire Bubba out, and it's fantastic as hell. BUBBA CATCHES HIM FOR A POWERBOMB BUT SABIN RANA'S OUT AND BUBBA TAKES A CODE RED OF SORTS. 3D try to bully the Guns now, but our guys aren't playing and they keep kicking their asses. They go for a double dive on D-Von, but Bubba crotches them, and D-Von nails a superplex on Shelley to isolate him. Alex shows he's a perfect face in peril as he's sympathetic as possible for the Dudz mauling him. Bubba pulls Sabin off the apron and fakes Shelley into the corner so he can punch him in the face. Amazing. They really ramp up the beating as they're born shitheads, and Shelley rules so damn much at trying to fight back against them, so the cut offs feel even more heartbreaking as a result. Sabin gets the tag for an insane one as he flies all over dropping them time and time again. He breaks out the sick tornado DDT for a near fall on D-Von, and then the Guns start double teaming them with their wild speed. 3D get it together to cut them off and go for the tables, AND SABIN DROPKICK IT INTO D-VON'S FACE. THEY HIT BUBBA WITH THE HIGH LOW, AND D-VON COMES BACK TO LIFE AT THE LAST SECOND TO PULL THE REF OUT TO SAVE. 3D get rid of Shelley and nail the Doomsday Device on Sabin, and he kicks out!! They get another table set up in the corner and try to throw Sabin into, AND HE FUCKING WALL WALKS IT AND DOES A BACK FLIP AND GOADS D-VON TO RUN AT HIM AND SIDESTEPS HIM TO SEND HIM HEAD FIRST INTO IT. THE GUNS SWARM BUBBA AND KILL HIM WITH THE AC/CS RUSH TO GET THE WIN.
***1/2

In the back, Kurt yells and screams at Nash and asks if he's an asshole and keeps baiting Nash, so the big man finally slams him against a wall and screams at him that none of this shit matters and he is an asshole. He'll have his back tonight because he has to, but it's going to be them right after.

Hype for the 4 way.

Match#3 Gail Kim (c) vs ODB vs Angel Williams vs Roxxi w/VKM (TNA Knockouts Championship)
The ladies try to team up to fight Gail, but they then fight amongst themselves as it turns into your classic clusterfuck. Not very good sadly as Gail and ODB are the only good wrestlers, and the other two are both bad and green and mess up a ton of stuff. VKM try to help, but the ref, Shane Sewell making his debut, kicks them out. More bad stuff happens and it's not a good thing for the first PPV title match to be terrible, but TNA 2007 is a different beast. Gail beats ODB with a Neckbreaker.
1/2*

Post match, Awesome Kong comes out and signals for the title. YES.

In the back, Karen gets to see inside the limo, and finds EY and Storm having a drinking contest. Storm is already trashed, and EY is in love with Karen. James has to tell the blackshirts they're guarding the wrong limo as this is the world heavyweight drinking champion, The limo is over there. JB tries to get a drink, but Storm won't give him one as he's not in the contest and leaves with EY and Jackie, The title is Cena's spinner with a beer bottle on the front. AMAZING.

Match#4 Jay Lethal (c) vs Sonjay Dutt (TNA X-Division Championship)
Would have been cool if they bothered to build this at all, but whatever. Sonjay can't help but punch Jay off a break to start and acts like a dick, and Jay is sad and confused at this, so he slaps him back. Sonjay knocks him to the floor and hits a flip dive and beats his ass with some really good elbows and knees to the ribs, and we get Jay selling very well. Dutt uses a full body lock for something different, and has some great work on the ribs. Jay eventually comes back and sells none of it. Goddamn it. The comeback rules a ton, but like you've just wasted my time. They move into a back and forth for a while and it's fine but sort of nothing we haven't seen before, so it's not worth recapping. Jay wins with the Elbow.
**

Post match, Jay and Dutt make peace as So Cal Val is cheering Jay on. He invites her in and parades around with her as Dutt throws flowers on them. 3D run down and beat the piss out of them. They scare Val in the corner, and Bubba gets the title. He grabs a mic and says the Guns cheated and now the division will pay for it. They're taking the title hostage.

In the back, Kevin says he's here to leave as world champion.

In a room, Storm and EY are getting ready. Storm says he's beaten Jim, Jack and even went down south to beat Jose. He pours some shots for them and they down them and some beers. EY nearly hurls, but he stops himself and finishes the beer. EY says he feels good, and Storm says they'll see in 20 minutes when they drink more.

Match#5 AJ Styles & Tomko (c) vs The Steiner Brothers (TNA World Tag Team Championships)
AJ puts on his working boots as he throws himself into oblivion for the two relics on the other side, and hey it's AJ Styles so it works even if he should just refuse to do it. Tomko also does the same for Rick Steiner, and holy shit is he awful and bad and near fucking death the entire time. They take him out and isolate Scotty, and it's pretty ok as they take it easy on the beating, but the work holds up thanks to the insane talent of AJ. Rick gets the hot tag and it's bad, but hey AJ DOES WHAT HE ALWAYS FUCKING DOES AND MAKES IT WORK. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. Shit breaks down and AJ has to slip in a kick to the dick and a chair shot to the head to beat Rick Steiner in 2007.
LOLTNA

Hype for Joe/Roode.

In the back, Roode says he's going to make a name for himself off Joe. He doesn't fear him and he's not afraid of him. He made him bleed like a pig, and he's going to make him cry and whine like the bitch he is. Tonight, he kills Samoa Joe. He tells Brooks to stay out of the way, and she demands to know who the woman is. Roode says he thought she was her friend and walks away.

The woman is in the crowd again.

Match#6 Samoa Joe vs Robert Roode w/Ms Brooks
Joe chases him down and beats him like a rented mule and picks my spirits up after a bad hour of wrestling. A classic Samoa Joe ass kicking unfolds, and Roode leans into every shot like a shotgun blasting through him. Joe walks away so Roode lands on the floor, and then Joe cleans his clock with the Elbow Suicida. He tries the Ole, but Roode grabs his leg and smashes it into the rail, and then suplexes him on the ramp. He picks Joe up to attack, BUT JOE THROWS HIM INTO THE STEPS AND KICKS HIS FACE INTO THEM. He blasts him with more shot to make this little shit pay for his crimes, and like the Cage series it's a reminder he's still the man. Roode pokes him in the eye and hits the Blockbuster to take over and gives us another super solid control seg. We get a shot of a nasty cut on Roode's shoulder, and he looks super tough for fighting through it and taking it to Joe for long as he can. Joe mounts a comeback and batters him. We get a shot of Brooks out cold on the floor being tended to. Roode gets a kick to the dick and a DDT to cut him off. He hits a sick looking Piledriver to mess up Joe's neck, and he starts throwing punches down onto it as well. ROODE PICKS HIM UP FOR THE PAYOOF, BUT JOE BLOCKS IT AND DEADLIFTS HIM ONTO THE CORNER AND KICKS HIM IN THE HEAD AND HITS THE MUSCLE BUSTER TO WIN.
***

In the back, Kurt loses his mind once more and storms outside to find out whose in the limo.

Kurt makes it to the limo, but Sting attacks him and scares him off.

Hype for Cage/Kaz.

In the back, Christian says he heard this a millon times about people making their names off his expsence, and it's not going to happen. Kaz is trying to prove he belongs and deserves to breath the same air as him., He's going to take him to the top where he's dreamt of being, and once he gets there he'll see there's only one place to go. He tells AJ and Tomko to stay out of it, and AJ winks and plays it off as a joke, but Cage tells him he's serious. AJ again tells Tomko to follow his head, and Tomko says he's serious and shakes his head.

Match#7 Christian Cage vs Kaz (Fight For Your Right-Finals-Ladder Match)
-They fight to start and Kaz goes for the ladder first, but Cage fights him away and beats him down.
-Cage goes for it himself, and Kaz hits springboard splash to land the ladder onto Cage's face and arm, and Christian's eyebrow is a bloody mess as you can see the cut opening in a gross moment.
-Cage gets mad now and kicks his ass as the blood drips down and they fight over a ladder propped over a rail, and Kaz gets him on it, but Cage kicks him in the dick and does his kick through the ropes to send him on it, AND HE HITS THE FROG SPLASH AND THE LADDER DOESN'T BUDGE AND KAZ IS SQUASHED.
-Christian tries to climb but Kaz tips the ladder over, and fights him again and rams him into another ladder in the corner super damn hard.
-Kaz runs at him like a fool, and Cage throws the ladder back into his face, and then tosses him into another one.
-Kaz comes back and bounces a ladder off the ropes into his face and then swings it like a bat into his shoulders to send him out of the ring.
-He tries to climb but he's too slow and Cage gets back in and rams a ladder into his ribs and they fight on a ladder, and Cage kills him with the reverse DDT.
-They fight on the mart and Kaz breaks out a sweet monkey flip to send him into a ladder and then hits his flying legdrop to hurt him more.
-Kaz suplexes the ladder and Tenay says "almost like Kaz suplexed the ladder onto Cage's body". Fucking genius.
-KAZ GOES FOR THE LEGDROP OFF THE TOP, AND CAGE MOVES AND KAZ'Z LEGS HIT THE LADDER. JESUS FUCK.
-Cage climbs again and keeps Kaz at bay, but Kaz springboard dropkicks him off it.
-AJ and Tomko come down to help out, CAGE WAVES THEM OFF AND MAKES THEM LEAVE.
-Kaz and Cage fight some more as the heels argue, and the ladder tips over and Cage lands on them.
-Kaz kicks himself back over with the ladder to stand upright and gets the contract down to right his fight.
***1/2

Post match, Cage is carried out as Kaz celebrates.

In the back, the contest is still happening as JB tries to get a free beer. Storm makes him grab a flask out of Jackie's top. EY brings out a beer bong and Storm downs it and dances it around, and then EY does one himself. Storm gets mad now as he pours straight Jack down it and drinks all of it and falls on his ass before he manages to sit back down. He challenges EY to make it to the door first to declare the winner, AND JAMES PASSES OUT AND HITS HIS HEAD ON THE TABLE AS JACKIE SAYS THAT SON OF A BITCH IS OUT. EY gets the title and takes the last 6 pack and shouts he's the champion. Storm starts crying, and JB steals the last of the Jack as he says it's a been a long day.

Hype for the main event.

The mystery partner is...

It's 2007 and he's mostly washed and beyond giving a shit, so i assume this will be horrible until the MEM forms in a year.

Match#8 Kurt Angle (c) & Kevin Nash vs Booker T & Sting (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship-Tag For The Title)
Sting starts and we get some fine stuff with the heels as the fans chant for Booker T to wrestle, and they get more and more wild for the eventual run. He gets in as DW does his best DW job to make me care, and Booker cares to a point and does ok, but 2002 it is not. Sting gets back in and is isolated and Kurt does the bulk of the work as Kevin Nash continues to be the laziest and most amazing dude ever. Booker get the hot tag and it's Lukewarm at best, and even Nash takes a kick to make it better than it actually is. AJ and Tomko run down and attack Sting and Booker T. OH SHIT. Karen gets involved so Sharmell makes her debut and they have a bad cat fight. As that happens, Kurt hits Nash with the belt and hits Sting with an Angle Slam and drags the ref back in to retain.
3/4*

In the ring, Tomko and AJ point at Karen and shake Kurt's hand. Christian walks out with his face all messed up and looks PISSED.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion-Gail Kim-14/10/07

TNA Impact
November 15th, 2007
Impact Zone

We open the show with Cornette telling Mike and DW that they can not mention two of the people who were in the main event because they didn't sign a contract yet, and he could be in court for years and years. He says they'll have a contract signing tonight, so mum's the world until then.

TONIGHT; KURT VS KAZ FOR THE WORLDS TITLE.

Kurt, Karen, AJ and Tomko make their way out ti the ring, and it's a super weird sight to see AJ hanging out with Angle, and it will take me a while to get used to it. Kurt says Karen took care of business and he never doubted her for a second. He gets Karen to take a bow, and then declares AJ and Tomko as family. Big Sexy makes his way out and says he thought they were family. Kurt calls him a wussie and someone who bought him down as he couldn't get the job done. Kev says he had Sting's ass beat when Kurt cracked him in the dome with the title. Kurt tells him to bring it, and Kev gets in and fights all 3 but he gets his ass handed to him. BUT NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, THE ENTIRE X-DIVISION MAKES THE SAVE FOR KEVIN NASH. OH MY GOD AMAZING.

In the back, Christian arrives in a Porsche.

Kevin is on the phone with someone and he tells them to be here in 20 minutes.

Match#1 LAX vs Rock N Rave infection w/Christy Hemme
Hell yeah. Ci and Rave have some sweet exchanges and really show what ROH should have done if things went right. Hernandez joins in and kills Rave with insane power spots and looks even better than even a few months ago. Hoyt attacks Ci from behind to isolate him, and they beat his ass in fun control seg as Lance is far better as a heel working in a tag team. Helps that Ci launches himself all over the joint. Hernandez gets the hot tag and wreaks them both with more cool shit, and the crowd adores him for it. He kills Hoyt with his dive out of the ring, and Ci has Rave up for the Cop Killa, but Christy distracts him and Jimmy gets a rollup to steal the win.
**1/2

LAX go after Rave and kill him, Christy tries to help, but a female member of LAX hits her with a Slapjack to the back of the head.

We find 3D backstage with a hostage tied up with a hood over his head. Bubba says the Guns cheated to beat them and they took it out on Lethal and took the title. They've got an insurance policy with the hostage, so answer the demands. He wants the X banned from the name and turned into a S because they SUCK. He wants all "this is awesome" chants banned. Hey, that's fair. All X-Division guys are banned from putting themselves over on the internet. They want 12 cases of Ding-Dongs and 5 cases of Yoohoo that he remembers when he was a kid. He wants all their rats and their mothers. He says they've got less than an hour to meet them. AMAZING.

In the back, Christian is sad. He says he hasn't spoken to AJ and Tomko since Sunday, and none of that matters. LOOK AT MY FACE! I GAVE IT MY ALL. MY HEART MY SOUL. He says he's undefeated and he's never to be questioned on that. AJ and Tomko couldn't follow directions and they couldn't do that right, and they cost him the chance at the title and poured salt in his wounds by helping Kurt. They better have a damn good excuse for doing it, and God help their souls when they need to look him in the eyes and say why. Hell, that time might be tonight. Fuck yeah give me tweener Cage.

Match#2 Robert Roode & Ms Brooks vs Chris Harris & Gail Kim
The fan is back at ringside, and Brooks is very mad about it. Tenay says Harris a complainer and whiner as of late and he's sick of it. Well, that's not a good sign for Harris' future. Roode makes Brooks sit in a chair at ringside, and fights Gail himself and gets slapped for his troubles. He has a another very fun fight with Harris, and this could have main evented a PPV if TNA wasn't fucking TNA. Anyway, Roode sneaks in a chair shot to knock Harris out and wins the match.
*

Post match, Roode smashes the back of Harris with the chair over and over, and goes to kill him with a knee to the head, but Brooks stands in the way. She shoves him and finally loses her shit at him. She leaves the ring and beats the shit out of the super fan!!

Scott Hall arrives backstage.

In the back, Corny yells at Morgan for causing him trouble when he was gone by booking matches and getting people on the show without a contract. Rave and Hoyt walk in and bitch about Christy being attacked earlier, and Jim says he'll deal with that later. We get cut off as 3D come out to the ring.

3D have the title and hostage, and only in pro wrestling can that happen. Bubba shouts he'll kill said hostage if he moves. He calls the Guns out, and they and Jay come out to the stage. Sabin makes fun of them for being fat and asking for food instead of strippers or cash. He calls their mum's ho-ho's, and Bubba and D-Von hit the hostage with a belt. They take the mask off and it's Havoc. Jay finally speaks and asks for his belt back, and Bubba calls it junk and says it doesn't even fit. He then says there is a traitor in the -X-Division. They rush the ring along with the rest of the division and attack 3D. Jay frees Havoc and gets his belt back, but Havoc gets a cane and beats the shit out of all the faces. Baw Gawd, he's the traitor.

In the back, JB talks to AJ and Tomko. AJ says this is all a huge misunderstanding. AJ says he knows Christian is watching and says he's under a lot of pressure as team captain. He says he made the deal with Karen because it would be great for all of them to add Kurt to the Coalition. He says he loves Christian, man, and asks Tomko if he thinks Christian will be okay with this, and he says no he won't, and leaves. AJ asks if he's going to be demoted, and says he can work out being co-captain.

Judas is coming back. No, thank you.

The Outsiders make their way out and say the lines, and then Nash announces it will be a 6 man at Turning Point between Kurt and his new crew vs them and a mystery partner who will learn the identity of by the end of the night.

Match#3 Rellik vs Abyss vs Black Reign
KILLER SPELT BACKWARDS. It's Johnny Stamboli from the FBI under a mask, and he's not very good at all, and even more so when he's working with these goons. Abyss fights them both in a bad handicap match as they both want to fight him, and they weirdly stare at each other in between doing terrible offence. Abyss fights back and beats killer spelt backwards with the BHS.
1/2*

Post match, the heels brain him with a chair and leave him laying. Rhino sadly runs down and makes the save as he can't escape this terrible void.

In the back, Kurt makes fun of the Outsiders for being old and having no partner.

Match#4 Awesome Kong vs Alexa Jade
Another sick as hell Kong squash for 90 seconds or so. Powerbomb does the deed.
*3/4

Gaul makes her way down and tells to either keep staring or do something about it. Awesome doesn't budge, so Gaul runs at her and tackles her. Kong gets her face punched it, BUT SHE LARIATS THE FUCK OUT OF GAIL AND KILLS HER WITH THE POWERBOMB. GOD YES.

Jim in the ring for the contract signing. He talks a lot about Booker without saying his name, and then he and Sharmell come out to the ring. Booker gives the stump speech and thanks the fans and whatnot. They sign the contracts, and then Cage comes out to break up the party. He says hi to his old friend and says he's had a ton of personal problems as of late and he needs to take care of this one. Everyone is here to be champion, and this is a world without crowns but there is ONE king. Him!!! He's the real champ and he needs to go to the back of the line before he puts him there. He insults Sharmell, so Booker kicks his ass and drives him out of the ring. Booker gets the mic and says he took his #1 contenders spot, now can you dig that suuuucka.

Hype for Kaz/Kurt.

In the back, Kaz says he's going to leave it all in the ring.

Match#5 Kurt Angle (c) w/Karen Angle vs Kaz (TNA World Heavyweight Championship)
Kurt forces Kaz to go on the mat and it's very slow and basic as Kaz isn't that dude at all. Shows that Kurt's brain is truly breaking before our eyes, and it's only going to get worse. Kurt hurts his arm when he gets sent into the post and Kaz does some fine work on it, and Kurt sells it well, but it just feels sort of off. Kurt finally turns it into a Kurt match as he fights out and Angle Slams Kaz over the ropes to the floor. Kurt beats the crap out of him and grinds him down on the mat, and it's good but not really focused on one part of Kaz. Kaz armdrags out of a Angle Slam and it turns into a classic bullshit Kurt match for a little while with a million counters and kickouts. You know the deal. Kurt kicks out of the Flux, and then no sells it so he can wrench Kaz's head into a takdown and float over to pin him as his shoulders are stuck on the mat.
*1/2

Kaz signals he nearly had him beat, and Kurt gets back in to yell at him for it. Nash and Hall come out from behind and corner him and beat him up. AJ and Tomko make the save, and Hall can't even bump at this point. Samoa Joe runs down as the mystery partner and saves the day. Goddamn it, no more Joe vs Kurt. I can't take it anymore.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion-Gail Kim-14/10/07

TNA Impact
November 22nd, 2007
Impact Zone

A TNA THANKSGIVING. WHOSE THE TURKEY??

We open with an amazing Thanksgiving video as we learn there will be the winner of the Turkey Bowl.

We now go to the thanksgiving party where Kurt is hosting. He's wearing a pilgrim outfit and there's Kurt Angle placemats. He makes everyone clap for Karen and leads his new crew and JB in a prayer. He tells Tomko to take his hat off and he asks why Karen doesn't need to, and Kurt deadpans "Because she's a pilgrim" like it makes all the sense. His prayer is amazing as he thanks Pac-Man for not being here and the writers not being on strike because they don't pay residuals. There's a spot for Cage, so AJ asks if they can save him a leg for later. Kurt ignores him and says the Turkey Bowl is about to start.


THE TNA TURKEY BOWL:
-Three triple threat Semi-Final matches involving one X Division wrestler, one tag team wrestler, and a heavyweight wrestler
-A final match which is also a three way
-The winner gets $25,000
-The loser is forced to wear a turkey suit

Match#1 Brother D-Von vs Abyss vs Chris Sabin (TNA Turkey Bowl Semi-Finals)
D-Von attacks Sabin before Abyss gets out there, and it's a nice brawl as he gives a crap and throws some cool shots. Abyss comes down and stinks it up as he really sucks now that he's been shunted into the worst feud and has all but stopped caring. Sabin bumps like a lunatic for both men and takes some wicked shots to carry the load. Sabin bites Abyss's hand to get out of a chokeslam, but he's killed by the Shock Treatment instead and takes a insane bump off it. Black Reign and Killer spelt backwards attack the big oaf, and Rhino joins in and all 4 fight to the back. Sabin and D-Von continue having a fun match. Bubba tries to help but he messes it up and gets kicked in the skull for his troubles. Sabin rolls D-Von up to advance.
*3/4

The Outsiders arrive and ask where the party is so they can have some desert.

Next week, Booker T speaks.

Roode and Brooks arrive for the party, and he's a dick to her again, but thankfully a very drunk Storm shows with a ton of beer, and says he tied his horse up to someone's Cadillac BMW.Chris Harris also comes in and bitches about the directions being terrible, and asks if his kid wrote them, and Kurt blames Karen. Harris yells at Roode for being here and they should at each other, but Kurt gets him to calms down and asks him to sit. Harris says this is the only way he's getting TV time, so he's staying. Weird he doesn't care about Storm being there. EY shows up and says JB has invited him, and Kurt makes him sit at the kids table and talk to his kid as she's a child of god. AMAZING.

Match#2 Johnny Devine vs Samoa Joe vs Kip James (TNA Turkey Bowl Semi-Finals)
Joe is nearly done as a BITW calibre wrestler for a while, so he's tasked with this. Goddamn. He's mostly beaten up by Kip and made to look like shit until he can finally fight back and bashes the fuck out of these dorks. He knocks Gunn off the apron into BG James on the floor, and Joe hits the Muscle Buster on Johnny Devine to win and go to the finals.
*

We come back to the party where Sharkie, Dutt and Petey arrive. Petey is not happy because it could mess with his diet, and Sharkie is wearing a neckbrace. Dutt collects donations, and Kurt spits food in the plate he's holding. Storm and EY go back to their contest and drink a ton of beer again. AJ excuses himself as he's got to wrestle, and Karen yells at him for not eating his food.

Christian never comes out for his Turkey Bowl match, and the bells rings despite him not being there.

Match#3 AJ Styles vs Jay Lethal (TNA Turkey Bowl Semi-Finals)
Mike says the referee has been told to run this is a singles match instead, and hell yeah. They have a killer back and forth to start and Jay finally gets to show off again after months of not being able to. Tons of super tight offence, and big AJ bumps. AJ misses a running forearm and smashes his skull off the buckles and gets his ass handed to him some more. He finally gets out and hits the Dropkick to take over, but Cage now makes his way out and chases after AJ. We come back and now Jay is fighting Cage, and i guess he's back in the match???????????? He beats Jay's ass as well, and it's fantastic as he's pissed off and ready to murder someone, but the booking is trash as hell. AJ watches from the ramp and looks very sad about this. He tries to get in, but Cage chases him off again. He goes back to fighting Jay, and our little hero fights back with some wonderful fire and heart, and smokes Cage with a stunning moonsault. Cage cuts him off again as he catches him with a gross gutbuster, but Jay fights through and hits the injection and goes for the Elbow. AJ shoves him off the top and Cage hits the Killerswitch. AJ COMES OFF THE TOP WITH THE FROG SPLASH AS CAGE IS SITTING THERE WITH HIS BACK TURNED AND AJ IS SITTING ON JAY AS HE'S TRYING TO TALK TO CAGE, AND THE REF COUNTS 3 FOR AJ. OH NO
**3/4

Post match, AJ tries to say sorry, but Cage is pissed.

Black Reign and Killer arrive for the party, and they rip the turkey apart and eat it at the table. JB and Karen freak out as they see the rat in the food, and EY thinks it's a cat because he's trashed. Karen screams a lot as the camera cuts away.

Booker T speaks.


Going back to Thanksgiving, JAY LETHAL SHOWS UP, PERFECTLY FINE, AND WITH HIS ENTRANCE JACKET AND HAT BACK ON! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA! He asks where Hogan is, and Sonjay says he's in the snake pit. The rat is now on Reign's head. So Cal Val comes in, and Lethal puts his jacket down on the floor for her to walk over, so I guess there's a puddle in Kurt Angle's house. Kurt says he probably shouldn't have had a thanksgiving party.

Turning Point on the 2nd-
-Kurt's Alliance vs Joe & The Outsiders.
-Feast or Fired. Four cases with three titles shots and one pink slip all on a pole.
-Abyss & Rhino vs Reign & Killer in a Ten Thousand Thumbtack Match.
-Gail Kim vs Awesome Kong for the KO title.

Match#4 ODB vs Velvet Skye vs Angelina Love
Velvet makes her famous intro for the first time, and DW is in love. This isn't good as ODB is the only one whose trained and can wrestle, so it's a few minutes of slapping and bad offence as DW swoons over the ladies. ODB beats Skye with a Thez Press.
1/2*

We come back to the party where Sharkie is trying to get food into his mask and it gets stuck. Awesome Kong shows up and stares everyone down and starts eating fake food at the end of the table, and she throws it away. JAY SHOUTS "I DIDN'T KNOW KAMALA WAS COMING" OH GOD. Kong sits down and keeps eating the fake food because fuck it, i guess.


A pretape airs with Christopher Daniels cutting a promo about righteousness with Senshi and Elix Skipper behind him. Wish this was leading somewhere good, but Ki has quit once again, Skipper will be fired in a month or so, and Daniels is going to revert back to Curry Man for a year.

We come back to 3D now showing up, and everyone gets up and throws food at them. Bubba calls Sharkie a shark piece of crap and tells him stop throwing food at him. Everyone walks out as Bubba asks if they're going to the gym and if he can come. Bubba and D-Von pick up some food and sit down with Angle's kid on the kids table. Kurt assures his daughter that they won't eat her. Bubba asks how she is, and she says they suck. Kurt once again blames Karen for their kids being monsters.

JB comes back from the party to do the big intro, and it's amazing as hell.

Match#5 AJ Styles vs Samoa Joe vs Chris Sabin (TNA Turkey Bowl-Finals)
Joe and Sabin work together to rock AJ's life before they fight, and holy shit s amazing after years of not seeing them go at it. Joe tries to murder him, but Sabin uses his speed and cracks him in the. jaw with a gross sounding kick to knock him down, and he then runs and drops AJ with a tope. We come back from the break with all three fighting in the ring, and Joe tries to break out the Elbow Suicida, but AJ cuts him off and they go toe to toe in another tremendous battle between them. Sabin gets back in and we get some cool three way spots for a little while. They do the three man sleeper from ECW 93 (soon, i swear) and crack heads as they get more desperate to win. Sabin again uses his speed to keep them on the backfoot as he's spinning them around and hitting big bombs . AJ gets out a table as he fights Sabin, AND JOE RUNS AT THEM WITH THE ELBOW SUICDA BUT THEY MOVE AND HE CRASHES AND BURNS THROUGH THE TABLE. AJ and Sabin get back in and have a sweet short mini match as they go for broke. AJ gets the Styles Clash, but Joe comes back to life and breaks it up and goes wild on them both. Joe hits a GROSS Island Driver to send AJ's head and neck into the mat. Jesus fuck. Joe boots Sabin out of the ring, and fights AJ again and drops him with the STJOE and hits the Muscle Buster to win.
***

At the party, Kurt loses his shit at AJ losing sand says no one who associates is dressing like a Turkey. He takes Tomko with him to fix this. Kong is sitting at the table eating more fake food.

Kevin and Scott finally show up after taking two hours to find a place everyone could get to. They throw pies in Karen face, and Jay starts a food fight. AWESOME KONG CATCHES A TURKEY LEG AND EATS IT. FUCK YEAH.

Back in the ring, Cornette calls AJ the biggest turkey in TNA and he won't cheat the fans from seeing him in the suit. Gobble up your guts and put it on. AJ finally relents and does it after Jim says he'll fire if he doesn't. AJ cries and moans and puts it on as the fans chant gobble at him. Kurt now comes out in a full pillgrim suit with the title around his waist

Kurt calls him a turkey and asks how can a gold medalist stand next to a turkey, and AJ earnestly says he looks like a pilgrim not an olympian. Joe and the old men come out and talks some smack before we get our show ending brawl. EY randomly walks out with a turkey leg and Joe gets him to shove it into Kurt's mouth to close the best show ever.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion-Gail Kim-14/10/07

TNA Impact
November 29th, 2007
Impact Zone

Coallition/Angle Summit. TNA is now using show titles in a wonderful thing.

In the back, Christian is talking to Roode when he finds JB and brings him into the room. He tells Roode he can't trust anyone as he saw with AJ and Tomko. Kaz could never beat him, and Booker is here to steal his spot and put him down the card. He's worried about a guy like him who has all the talent in the world getting walked over. Roode says he's not dumb and he can see it. He'll take care of this and show Booker is pays to be roode. Christian is very happy it worked, '

Tonight; Samoa Joe/Scott Steiner/Kaz/Abyss vs. Kurt Angle/Christian Cage/AJ Styles/Tomko.

Booker T & Sharmell come out for some promo time. Same boring ass "I left WWE to work with the hottest company in the world" bullshit you've heard a million times. Even more so when you know he actually left WWE because he got caught up in the WWE drug bust that got 10 wrestlers suspended, and he denied it and asked and was granted his release instead of not being a bitch about it. Anyway, Roode comes out and calls him a hasbeen and hits all the talking points as Booker no sells it and acts like the exact type of asshole that Roode is correct about. Roode challenges him to a match tonight, and Booker accepts after some smack talk about his wife. Dooooon't care.

In the back, Christy is very upset about being attacked, and takes it out on her loser team.

Match#1 Eric Young & Gail Kim vs Jimmy Rave & Christy Hemme w/Lance Hoyt
EY vs Rave is a cool match on paper, and it's mostly fun irl as Jimmy is trying hard on TV to secure a spot, and EY is still a bump freak. Lance trips EY and crushes him against the post, and Jimmy gets to do some fun offence beating him up for a little while. Sadly it doesn't last long and the ladies get back in where Gail wins quick with a rollup
3/4*

James Storm comes out for the second annual drinking contest. It's a speed comp this time as they've got 60 seconds to down as many as they can. EY shows he's for real as he smashes down a ton of them and beats Storm. Storm loses his mind and finally breaks a bottle over EY's face to bust him open in a nasty gusher. He drops him with the Eye of the Storm and says he's the beer drinking champion.

In the back, AJ says they're going to fix things and make it a family like the Waltons. Tomko calls him John Boy and says Kurt and Cage hate each other, so forget it. AJ says Paris and Nicole are friends again, so there's a chance. Tomko rolls his eyes and says they need to find them to get ready for the match.

Recap of 3D vs X-Division.

Match#2 Jay Lethal & Sonjay Dutt vs Team 3D w/Johny Devine (Street Fight)
3D jump them from behind like cowards and we get a great beatdown as they stiff the crap out of them with all their fat and pettiness. The faces fight back and get out the plunda first with a table, and then they brawl in the crowd. Jay dives off the balcony onto to D-Von, AND DUTT TOPS THAT WITH A SICK DIVE OFF THE TOP ROPE INTO THE CROWD ONTO BUBBA. They get back in the ring for more awesome plunda shots to these fat bastards. Dutt hits a flipping Van Terminator into a trash can on D-Von to crush his face. Devine finally gets involved and hits Jay with a cane to knock him off the top into a table, and 3D hit Dutt with the 3D to win.
**3/4

Post match, they stay on the attack until the Guns save.

In the back, AJ begs Kurt to meet with Cage and fix it, but Kurt refuses and says he'll do it when they get out there. Kurt reminds him he's on his team, and AJ says Karen says he could be on both teams. AJ catches himself for a moment as Karen admits she did it because it was the only way to make it work. Kurt then drags her off to speak to Cage.

Match#3 Rellik vs Rhino
Yuck. Rhino can't work his normal old man magic as Killer is terrible as all hell when it comes to wrestling. Incredibly weak looking shots and bad choking as he's also got zero clue how to work as an actual monster. Rhino fights out of a bad rear naked and hits the Gore to win.
1/3*

Black Reign in his bad wig attacks Rhino until Abyss makes the save. TNA could really try to mix things up because it feels like i've seen this a thousand times in 2007.

In the back, JB leads AJ through some breathing exercise before he speaks to Cage. He also needs to pee really bad. AJ walks in and hugs him, AND CAGE SHOVES HIM OFF. NOOOOO. He says they've made him sick by taking three weeks to talk to him, and then AJ stole his win from him. AJ says AJ screwed it up and it could have gotten real ugly, but he realised he doesn't need them. They need HIM. The Christian Collation is finished, and AJ is really sad and begs him to listen as both Cage and Kurt are his bosses like his dad and his auntie used to be. AJ says he's a father figure, and Cage says he embarrassed him like he was his dad, and he's done. AJ cries more, so Cage tells him to bring Kurt in here so they can sort it out. AJ runs off to get Karen, and Cage is confused and demands to know why. Tomko tells him it's because Kurt won't meet with him. Cage is pissed.

We come back to the summit where AJ leads it and makes everyone say I. He asks Karen and Cage to shake hands, and they actually do it. AJ declares them a team and jumps on the table and leads a group hug. Cage asks for the room with Karen, and he grabs her after they leave and says he's a winner and he's doing this for him. If they screw him, it'll be the worse thing they'll ever do. Karen storms out.

Match#4 Robert Roode w/Ms Brooks vs Booker T w/Sharmell
Booker cares now as he's throwing his offence super tightly and with actual harm behind it, and hey good for him. Roode pinballs around and shows he's more than ready for a big push. The crazy fan is sitting in the nose bleeds this week. Roode hotshots Booker against the ropes to take over, and we get a short little control seg of him beating Booker's head in. T's selling is mostly fine and whatnot, but it's not lighting the world on fire. Roode gets a chair, but Booker kicks it back into his face and hits the Axe Kick to win.
**1/4

Cage blindsides Booker and beats him down, but Kaz runs down to make the save.

In the back, Scotty is not pleased about being in the match as he has no friends and doesn't want to team up with anyone. He wants his title shot. The interviewer tells him he's in Feast or Fired and he can win a title shot. Scotty has no clue what that is, so she has to explain it to him. He flexes and says he'll get a case with no problems. '

DW announces it will be Cage & Roode vs Booker & Kaz at TP.

The outsiders are watching in the back, and Scott looks HORRIBLE. Hope he's better by the PPV.

Match#5 Christian Cage, AJ Styles, Tomko & Kurt Angle w/Karen Angle vs Kaz, Abyss, Scott Steiner & Samoa Joe
Scotty scares AJ away with the peaks and freaks, and then has a great freak fight with Tomko as they hit each other very hard. The other faces all get in, and of all of them, it's Joe whose taking it easy and doesn't seem all that fussed. Maybe the saddest thing i've ever seen in a review thus far. TNA will answer for this shit. Abyss gets cracked with das boot from Tomko, and the heels beat the shit out of him for a while. AJ eventually fucks it up and gets killed for his troubles, and Scotty gets the hot tag and suplexes the life out of everyone. Cage gets his ass kicked as well when he tries to help, but he's able to cut that off with a punch to Kaz's dick. He beats him up for a minute of so, and we see the heels really belted him during the break. Kurt and Cage start having problems, but keep it together so everyone can beat up Kaz for being alive. Joe finally tags in and wreaks shop for maybe the last time in a good while, and it's a fucking blast. Things break down and everyone goes nuts as always. AJ sets Joe for the Pele, but Christian turns Joe for the Unprettier, and the Pele hits Christian! Joe then hits Christian with the Muscle Buster to win.
**3/4

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion-Gail Kim-14/10/07

TNA TURNING POINT-SILENT NIGHT. BLOODY NIGHT.
DECEMBER 2ND, 2007
THE IMPACT ZONE

In the back, AJ talks to Kurt to get him to let Christian in. Kurt says if he's in, he listens to Kurt Angle. Kurt says he'll go talk to Christian because it's time for Kurt Angle to man up. He leaves and AJ says the captain does it again. Karen says if Christian upsets him, he'll be in a lot of trouble.

Intro video is wrestlers bleeding a ton.

Match#1 Team 3D & Johnny Devine vs The Motor City Machine Guns & Jay Lethal (Tables Match)
TNA keeps it as only one member needs to go through a table, which i hate because i want tons and tons of violence with people dying through tables. Devine is now wearing smaller tights and looks like an even bigger jobber than his last gimmick, which is very sad. Still, the Guns and Lethal beat the crap out of him, and it's rad watching him get smoked. The Dudz get in and once again throw some nasty looking punches as they attack Jay for being the face of the division, and it's stellar work from them as they're finally great again after 4 fucking years. Everyone gets in as it breaks down and its that amazing breakneck speed of chaos with the faces hitting a dive train and bashing heads in. 3D bring the tables in, but the Guns hit a sweet double dropkick to send them back into 3D's faces. The Guns go back to killing Devine, but turn their backs on 3D and get jumped once more as the experience wins out as DW masterfully calls it as such. They beat everyone down and try to send the Guns through tables, but the faces make the save for each other, and Bubba misses a charge and breaks one with his shoulder. The Guns pick up a table, AND THROW IT AT DEVINE'S FACE. JESUS MAN. 3D again attack from behind and set Shelley onto a table against the rail for a now alive Devine to jump on, but Alex move and Johnny knocks his body through it. More saves happen as it gets messier and messier in the best way possible. Jay goes on a run and knocks the ref out on accident with a kick. The Guns take out 3D with topes, and Jay finally puts Devine through a table with an Elbow Drop. Sadly, the ref is still dead, so 3D do the classic attack everyone with the belt and swap Devine out for Lethal and show the ref who calls the match for the heels.
***

In the back, Kevin and Joe are standing by, and Hall is not here. Joe looks SO mad about it, and Nash plays it off as a joke and says he wanted a piece of Karen. Joe snaps and says this is a joke and they're about to go to war, so find him in his lockerroom when he's ready to fight.

Match#2 Roxxi & ODB vs Velvet-Love Entertainment
Not quite, Beautiful People yet, but yah we're here. This is again very bad as we get lots of bad comedy spots like wedgies and spankings in between even worse wrestling. BP win with a bad Kick/Leg Sweep combo.
1/4*


In the back, JB tries to lead Kurt through some breathing exercies, and Kurt snaps and accuses him of breathing with Karen. JB says it's from the Karma Sutra, and Kurt is not happy and tells him to stay away from his wife. Angle walks in to talk to Christian and Roode about joining the Angle Alliance. Christian says it could be okay, but the part about Angle being leader doesn't work. Angle says he's like the George Bush of TNA, and Christian says the only boss of Christian Cage is Christian Cage. He says to stick it up his ass, along with AJ and Tomko, and Angle leaves. Christian tells Roode to follow his lead tonight, and he also leaves. Roode says Christian is a real asshole, and Ms. Brooks says it takes one to know one. YEAH GOT HIM.

Hype for EY/Storm.

In the back, Storm is searching for a beer, but Jackie has hidden them and tells him to fight first then he can drink. James is not happy.

Match#3 James Storm w/Jackie Moore vs Eric Young
EY rushes James during the intro and beats the holy hell out of him, and they have a sick pull apart as EY is going for broke on Storm's skull. Jackie grabs EY to stop him, but he pulls her in the way of a dropkick to knock her down. EY stays on him, but he misses a spear and hits the post shoulder first to hurt himself. James goes to drink, but Jackie stops him and makes him fight first, so he goes and wreaks the arm even angrier now. He destroys it really good, and we get a close up showing his elbow is bleeding badly, so it adds to the story. Storm beats the shit out of him, and even bits the cut on his head after the beer bottle shot. He tries to fight back, but Storm cuts him off and beats the arm even worse. EY's selling rules a ton as he's holding and screaming his lungs out, and James is a proper bastard about it. EY mounts a small comeback and sends Storm into Jackie spitting beer. Storm goes for the bottle shot, but EY rolls him up to win.
**3/4

In the back, LAX says they're going to take what they want despite what TNA management want, or don't want.

Match#4 Feast Or Fired
Petey Williams, B.G. James, Senshi, Scott Steiner, Shark Boy, Lance Hoyt, Christopher Daniels, Elix Skipper, Homicide, Hernandez, Kip James, Jimmy Rave, Chris Harris and Sonjay Dutt. All four cases are on poles, and you have to have your feet on the ground once you've got it. This is a big brawl in between dragging people off said poles because there isn't much else they can do in this match. It's not bad per say, but it's not good either. Petey gets a case first, and then Chris Harris goes over to Tenay and tells him this is dumb and he's not doing this. Fair enough. BG gets shoved off the ropes and hurts his knee, and has to be tended to, nope it's a swerve as Kip gets the case and throws it to BG who jumps up and catches it. He freaks out as he realises he might get fired now. Harris keeps yelling at Mike for being the worst, and i hate all of this. Ki gets a case down as well, and then Scotty gets the last one.
1/4*

Hype for Kim/Kong.

In the back, Gail cuts a terrible, terrible promo daring Kong to kill her. Would be awesome if she could actually show emotion, but it's just bad as hell.

Match#5 Gail Kim (c) vs Awesome Kong (TNA Knockouts Championship)
Bad promo or not, this fucking rules right away as Kong knocks her to the floor and beats the hell out of her by using her chest as a battering ram, and hurling Gail all over the place. She misses a lariat and hits the post to mess her arm up, and Gail jumps at it and attacks it using the ropes and punches and wrenches it. Kong fights through because she's a freak and keeps Gail on the defensive. Kong strangles her and uses a chokebomb to fuck her up, and it's such a tremendous beating. Gail's selling is amazing as well, and the entire thing really shows how good this division can be. Gail makes a desprete comeback tryinh like hell to knock her down, and she finally does with a flying dropkick. She hits a back senton, but Kong kicks out and is now super mad. She gets back up and kills her with a spinning backfist and knees her in the head over and over in the corner,. She shoves the ref when he goes to break it up, and she keeps choking and killing Gail. She shoves him again, and he finally DQ's her.
**3/4

POST MATCH, KONG KILLS THE REF WITH A POWERBOMB. YEAH. SHE KILLS SKYE AS WELL WHEN SHE TRIES TO HELP OUT. LOVE BRINGS A CHAIR DOWN TO FIGHT, BUT KONG PUNCHES IT IN HER FACE. SHE TURNS BACK TO GAIL AND SHE POWERBOMBS HER ONTO THE CHAIR. GODDAMN.

In the back, AJ loses it because he can't function without Cage, and Kurt asks if he's fruity or something. Kurt asks if he carries his jock, and AJ says never. Tomko stands up and says there was that one time, and AJ cuts it off. Karen says she saw Joe having issues with Hall and Nash, and there's a chance he could turn on them. Kurt says he's the captain of this boat and he's a mate, and he'll handle this. Tomko says he got demoted on the boat, and AJ says he was calling him mate like an Australian.

In the back, Black Reign plays with his rat and introduces his killer spelt backwards. He mentions Raven for someone reason as he says he likes spiders and snakes, and says that's what he needs to be to be loved. The fuck???

Mike now says Rhino is not here and Raven is taking his place. Mike further explains that Rhino has hurt his neck and is getting tested as we speak, and according to cagematch he's out until February.

Match#6 Raven & Abyss vs Black Reign & Rellik (Ten Thousand Thumbtacks)
Raven gained all the weight back and looks bad in his jorts with no shirt on, and is gassed right away. He then tries to do a slingshot plancha and catches his foot on the ropes and nearly dies. The match then turns into a hideous crowd bawl of bad offence and fat old gassed men, and it's not pretty to say the least. After loads and loads of bad wrestling, Abyss beats Killer with a BHS into the tacks to win.
1/4*

In the back, Kurt tries to get Joe to join in his side by saying Hall and Nash are using him to stay at the top until his body gives out. He needs to be smart and do the right thing. Joe is not convinced, but Kurt tells him to think about it.

Match#7 Christian Cage & Robert Roode w/Ms Brooks vs Booker T & Kaz w/Sharmell
Fun opening minutes with the usual suspects being awesome, and the others being carried into it as much as they can be. Kaz is isolated to save T as the hot tag, which is good because he might not care if it's any longer. The control is very good as you'd expect it to be with the normal cut offs, and Cage leading the charge as he's somehow even better than last month. Complete freak and all that. Booker gets the hot tag and shows i was right as he cares very much for a minute or so, before going back to doing whatever. Christian has more good stuff in the finishing run. Roode accidentally hits Christian with a chair and Booker hits the Scissors Kick to win.
**

Post match, Roode helps up a now dead Cage and props him up in the corner. Roode yells at Cage, so Christian slaps him and they shove each other. AJ runs down and keeps them apart because he can't stand the fighting anymore.

In the back, Joe snaps at Nash and says he's not surprised this happened as Hall couldn't breath in a breathalyser to show up to work. Nash says it's what it is, and he's more worried about his health. Joe calls bullshit and says all he cares about is looking cool as always, and not doing business. Nash screams he'll be out there and Joe can show if he wants. Joe screams back that he's coming and he won't be alone.

Everyone comes out to the ring, and Joe cuts the infamous shoot where he rightly snaps on how bad the company has gotten with carpetbaggers taking food from his and his friends plates while they kill themselves, and how Nash is just as guilty as everyone else by doing the same. He calls Hall a punk, and then finishes by daring Dixie Carter to fire him, and brings EY out as his partner. This will lead to a backstage fight where Nash slaps him twice, and Joe is forced to say sorry the next day despite not doing anything wrong. A giant mess that you can watch here.




Match#8 Samoa Joe, Eric Young & Kevin Nash vs AJ Styles, Tomko & Kurt Angle w/Karen Angle
Joe and Nash keep giving each super dirty glances, and hey fuck Kevin Nash on this night. Anyway, EY steps up huge and does some fun work with AJ and Angle, and it's a wild sight to see after years of him being a comedy guy. Tomko fights Nash and beats the hell out of him, and sells his ass off as everyone beats the crap out of him. Joe gets in and teases walking away from it, but he murders Kurt with a superkick and makes the hot tag and lets all the bullshit out as he beats the shit out of anyone and everyone in front of him. Everyone fights again and AJ takes a wild bump to the floor when Nash punches him off the ropes. Joe and Tomko have a cool fight and Joe beats him with the Muscle Buster.
**1/2

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion-Gail Kim-14/10/07

TNA Impact
December 6th, 2007
Impact Zone

All the briefcase winners arrive with said cases.

Match#1 LAX vs Black Reign & Rellik
LAX are tasked with 4 minutes against the worst wrestler in the company and the killer spelt backwards. Tough world. The heels once again are incapable of bumping, and simply fall down on their asses. Just dire shit. LAX are mostly eaten alive on top it and that's just as, if not worse. Things break down and Ci beats Killer with a rollup.
1/2*

Rock N Rave jump them from behind, but the masked LAX member knocks Christy out again with the slapjack. LAX get back up and chases them away.

In the back, Cornette says tonight we learn what's in the cases. Morgan has the case being watched by Chrystal in the back, and Corny flips out and demands he move them elsewhere. 3D and Devine walk in next, and Corny tells them to give the titles back to Lethal. Bubba says he has no balls and lacks what it takes to be a man just like the rest of the X-Division. He's crying like a. baby and he needs to be a man so they can learn to man up. Lethal and the Guns now come in and ask for a ladder match for the title so they can take it back. Bubba says he doesn't know history, and Jay talks about Earthquake doing the big job, and Bubba has to stop himself from laughing. He then reminds him they're the kings of TLC, so they accept.

At the booth, Mike says it's for the possession of the title and not the title actually being on the line.

Kurt and his crew come out to the ring. Kurt admits he made a mistake at TP and he wants to fix this with Christian and team up to be a force that could never be beaten. Kurt gives Cage an hour to accept.

In the back, Cage is with Roode and JB. Cage makes jokes, but Roode says they need to do this so they can be a force. Cage yells at him for stepping up and speaking without his permission. He screwed up at TP, and he needs to shut up so he can see a real words champion. Bobby says he's not AJ, so be careful. Christian says he a lot dumber than AJ! Roode leaves, and Cage tells JB he'll be out there.

Match#2 Gail Kim vs ODB
ODB works heel in a much better fit given she's a hoss and hits very hard, and Gail is a good punching bag for her. ODB beats her down and throws all around with some fun power work taking her head off with a nasty lariat. Gail catches her with a spear as she comes off the top, and then she goes on a great comeback throwing herself at ODB to knock her down a few times. Gail shoves her into the corner and knees her a few times like Kong did to her. The ref pulls her off, and ODB gets her flask and knocks Gail out to steal the win in a huge upset.
**1/2

ODB stands over Gail and drinks from her flask, but Kong comes out and scares her off. She goes to kill Gail again, but she comes back to life and fights back for a sick pull apart!!! Love this feud.

In the back, Morgan is standing by with the cases when XXX walk on yelling at each other. Daniels says Senshi is a solider in HIS army and he's the general and he's going to give him that case. Ki tells him to take it from him. Morgan jumps on it and makes the match for the case, and Skipper asks to be the referee for it. Morgan agrees to it, The interviewer asks if Jim will be happy about this, and Morgan says he's doing this for TNA and he'll be fine with it.

In the back, Tomko says he's know Cage for a long time and he's going to do whatever he wants to do. He's now going to do what he wants to from now on.

Match#3 Senshi (c) vs Christopher Daniels (Feast Or Fired Case on the line-Skipper is the guest referee)
Ki's leg is taped up and he's on his way out of the company, but he still has a sick series of kicks to Daniels to start as he lights him all the way up. Daniels hangs him up on the ropes during an attempted Octopus, and works on the head and neck with his super solid offence. We get a split screen of EY driving a limo with Nash, Joe and Booker in it. We come back to Ki making a comeback with more awesome boots and chops, and Daniels fighting like hell to stop him. Ki goes for the Combo Kick, but Daniels pulls Skipper in the way and pokes Ki in the eyes when he stops to not hit Skipper! Daniels hits the Angels Wings to win the case.
**1/2

In the area with the cases, BG asks Morgan if he wins a tag title shot can he pick any partner he wants, and Morgan says of course he can. Kip smiles and says he's his partner, and BG says maybe he needs a new one!! Kip is very mad, but BG ignores him and picks his case up. Roxxxi says the case is cursed, and BG says the only thing that's cursed is his current company. I don't hate this at all.

In a pre-tape, Mike sits down with James Mitchell to talk about Abyss. It's about 30 seconds and James mentions he met Chris after he left prison, so that kills the earlier story. Unless TNA is going to fix it... Ah whatever.

In the case area, Petey Williams dubs himself the Maple Leaf Muscle and talks about how he's a bodybuilding champion now, and if everyone didn't have their heads up Kurt's ass they would know this. He says Arnold was a judge and loved him. He wants the world title now and it's all the way. Morgan is really happy to see him step up for this big chance, and Petey flexes and takes the case with him.

Kurt is back in the ring for the answer, and Cage make his way out with Roode. Bobby says he's a business man and he accepts the offer to unite as one. He shakes everyone's hands, but Cage steals the mic and he's not pleased. He says this is where they're different as he needs these 3 while he doesn't. Kurt wants to be his friend all of a sudden, and thinks he's keeping his enemies closer. He knows he's a conniving son of a bitch and he knows if he's on the team he won't be opposing him on the other side. He's the real worlds champion and Kurt knows it. He goes over to Tomko and says he makes him sick and not to look at him, LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU. He says Tomko was working as a prison guard making no money and he made him a somebody and got his family fed, and he should be thanking him. He saw all the potential in AJ Styles as someone who is second to none in the ring. He was afraid to talk in front of a crowd when he couldn't formulate two sentences and he made him a star. and guided him. He's not his father and if he was he would disown him. They all need him to be somebody and he'll be part of the team if he can be the leader of it, and everyone falls in line including Kurt Angle. He tells him to admit he's not a man like he is and offers his hand, and Kurt thinks about it for a while and actually shakes it. He shakes everyone's hand, and then hugs AJ!!!

Joe now comes out with his ragtag crew now including Kaz. Joe challenges them to a ten man tag for the next PPV, and Karen says they should do it tonight. She tells Booker to take his crazy stalking wife away with him because she knows the real reason she's here. Sharmell grabs the mic and says it was Karen's perverted husband who tried to touch her, and she's going to whoop her ass. They have a cat fight on the stage as Booker and Kurt pull them apart.

in the back, Bubba says it's about time Jay grew some balls before Corny spoon-fed him the title. They stole the title and it's time for him to take it back. He and the Guns are still crybabies, and it's time to grow up. They're going to climb up and steal the title back that they stole in the first place.

In the case area, Scotty says he's got the world title and skanks and hoes know this. Ratings will go up when he wins the title. He walks off as all cases are now gone, and Morgan acts like this was his grand plan the entire time.

Match#4 Jay Lethal & The Motor City Machine Guns vs Team 3D & Johnny Devine (Ladder Match For Possession of the X-Division Championship)
-The faces finally jump them first and unload a frantic pace of offence to knock the shit out of them with topes and cool offence.
-Sabin breaks out a poisonrana on Devine, but eats a gross Electric Chair bomb from D-Von.
-Shelley powerbombs D-Von off the ladder for some revenge.
-Bubba and Jay fight on a ladder and Bubba of all people hits a vertical suplex off it in a massive bump.
-Shelley chops Devine in the thigh and kills him with a jawbreaker off the top.
-Sabin knocks D-Von off with a flying closeline.
-The Guns miss dives and eat crap when they land to knock themselves out.
-Devine and Jay climb up and both get the title and Jay jumps down with it, but D-Von has the ref distracted and Bubba hits Jay with a cane and throws the title to Devine to win the match as the ref sees Devine with it.
**3/4

Back to the pre-tape where Mitchell says he's not the bad guy in all of this. Chris needs to look him in the face and tell the entire world the secret only they knew next week.

In the back, Jim demands to know where the cases are, and Morgan tells him what's happened. Jim calls him an idiot and says they'll figure it out and work what's in there, and get him fired. He's going to take him upstairs and get chewed out with him, and he's going first. He makes Morgan go back and get the cases as he'll be the death of him.

Match#5 The Christian Collation Alliance vs Samoa Joe, Booker T, Kaz, Eric Young & Kevin Nash
AJ is SO happy his dads are friends now, and it's such a wonderful moment in the midst of the terrible stuff 2007 has given us. AJ then starts first to make them proud by guiding Kaz like always, but sadly they do a fucking RVD/Lynn standoff and lose me right away. Kurt tries his luck and also does horrible things with Kaz. Starting to think he sucks and should be moved back to the mid-card where he belongs. We come back from the break where AJ takes over on EY and we get a fun control seg as it's simple and mean as possible with AJ doing the bulk of the work. Joe gets the hot tag and rocks heads in awesome form for 20 seconds because fuck getting to enjoy things. Nash then gets a tag and works has hard as he has in a very long time by hitting everyone with big boots as they feed for him in a classic lazy shithead move. It breaks down AND ROODE THROWS JOE INTO THE ROPES AND HE FALLS OUT BACKWARDS ONTO AJ AND CAGE. HAHAH HOLY SHIT. Roode gets a chair to hit Nash with it, but Cage demands it, and EY dropkicks them into each other and Nash kills Roode with the Jackknife to win. Terrible match.
*3/4

Post match, Cage and Roode argue about it as Kurt tries to play peacemaker, Cage keeps getting mad, so Kurt finally hits him with the title to the back of the head. Roode kicks him as well, and AJ tries to stop it and tackles him. Tomko walks off from all this as everyone is brawling in the ring. Kurt gets Cage in the Angle Lock, and AJ tries to pull him off to close the show.