Welcome back to the Smackdown Low Down. Sorry I wasnt here last week but I had a comedy show to go to. Last weeks SD wasnt all that great anyway. This week on SD we have the first ever match between Jeff Hardy and Vladimir Kozlov, a huge announcement about The Undertaker vs. The Big Show at Cyber Sunday as well as The Colon Brothers defending the WWE Tag Team Titles. Lets get to it!!
The Big Show and his lackey come out. I know some people might think it demeaning, but Chavo is a born lackey. He just fits the role so well. Anyway, Show says its time for a demonstration. He will SHOW (heh heh heh get it? Because his name is the "big show"? :tomato
us the types of matches we can vote on for Cyber Sunday when he faces The Undertaker.
The first is, a "Knock Out" match.
The Big Show vs. Jobber 1
TBS gives him a right cross and the guy is KOd.
Winner: The Big Show
Match Rating: *
Then The Big Show says the next demonstration will be of an "I Quit" Match.
The Big Show vs. Jobber 2
TBS locks in the Million Dollar Dream and the guy quits.
Winner: The Big Show
Match Rating: *
Finally, TBS says the last match choice will be "Last Man Standing" (last I could tell, not answering the 10 count was tantamount to a count out, but whatever)
The Big Show vs. Jobber 3
Chavo Guerrero has placed a table in the ring. TBS chokeslams the last guy through a table and the ref counts to 10.
Winner: The Big Show
Match Rating: *
Comments: All of you people who complain about there not being enough matches on WWE TV, :2up:
The Colons vs. HnR Edgehead for the WWE Tag Team Titles
Primo starts out with Ryder. Primo works him over and tags in Carlito. We get a nice drop toe hold/leg drop combo. Ryder backdrops Carlito to the apron. He fight off Hawkins but Ryder takes him to the outside and we get some heel shenanegains. Carlito plays your face in peril as HnR Edgehead double team him and grind him down with some pretty basic submissions. Primo finally gets the hot tag and the crowd (canned or not) goes nuts. And I will say this about the young Colon boy, he has a wicked drop kick. He fights off both HnR Edgehead with Carlitos help and scores the W with a nice, albeit sloppy top rope drop kick. (At least its not the Overdrive)
Winners: The Colon Brothers
Match Rating: **3/4
MVP tells us he is still ONE WIN AWAY from getting his fat bonus. And tonight he is going to get that win over R-Truth
R-Truth vs. MVP
You know I never used to believe it. People have been saying the same thing for years and years. The WWE hates the black man. But now I see, its totally true. They are keeping the black man fighting with himself instead of trying to take the white mans gold. And that United States Title doesnt count, thats as worthless as the ECW title >_>. Black on black crime starts with a lock up and Truth out K-Kwiking MVP. But MVP gets him on the apron and gives him a reverse stunner using the top rope. Back in the ring, MVP pounds and grounds Truth and even uses an Orton Lock. Truth fires up and gets back into it with some clotheslines and some right hands but MVP kicks Truth after he telegraphs a back drop and then hits a neckbreaker. MVP misses the drive by kick and R-Truth headbutts him in the gut and then hits the (Pointless Spin) Axe Kick for the win.
Winner: R-Truth
Match Rating: **3/4
Vickie and Show are wating for someone. Who? Well first in comes Kung-Funaki. Nope, thats not it. Maryse comes in, wearing a VERY NICE maid's outfit, but shes not who they want either. No, they want to talk to The Great Khali and Funion Singh. They want Khali to go out and destroy The Undertaker. Khali tells them he is not their puppet but the Big Show tells him that Vickie can make his life a living hell.
The comes out and says that he was scheduled to face Super Crazy tonight but he cant because of a sore throat. Yeah, ok Axl. So instead, Super Crazy will take on Ezekiel Jackson instead.
Ezekiel Jackson vs. Super Crazy
El Squahsho, or however Soulpower would say it.
Winner: Zeke
Match Rating: *
Commnets: This is your SIXTH MATCH tonight!!!
HHH is The Game, and he is that damn good, thanks for the reminder.
The Undertaker vs. The Great Khali
Khali shows off his power by shoving Taker around and then locking in a very, VERY big headlock. Just think how it would be to have that put on you. Khali clubs him in the back and Taker retreats to a corner. The Great Khali goes in for the kill but The Undertaker is way too fast for this schlameil. UT comes back, throwing ham bones of his own. Taker gets distracted and Khali takes advantage. But we get some back and forth until The Great Khali drops Taker with a huge clothesline. A sloppy bodyslam and sloppy leg drop leads to a 2 count. Khali locks in the dreaded nerve hold and drives Undertaker into the mat. Taker gets up and fights out of it with his patented strikes but its all for naught has The Great one hits a ninja chop! Brain squeeze by Khali but its not enough as Taker gets back into it and hits the flying clothesline. Before The Undertaker can follow up, The Big Show come out and chokeslams him. Show gets a chair and gives it to Khali and tells The Great One to hit Taker. Khali gives him a hindu F-U and walks out. As TBS yells at TGK, UT gets up and clotheslines TBS over the top rope.
Winner: The Undertaker
Match Rating: **
Victoria vs. Maryse vs. Maria vs. Brie Bella Nattie Neidhart in a Fuzzy Dice On A Pole Match The winner of this match becomes the number one contender to Michelle McCool. Victoria is queen of the hill as she starts off in the corner with the pole and fights everyone off. Nattie tosses her off and Maria sees an opening but Maryse yanks her off. She then empties the ring of Brie and Maria and goes for it. Nattie and Victoria stop her but Maria and Brie get involved. They get knocked off leaving Maryse, Maria, and Brie. Maryse takes out Brie. Maria and her duke it out and Maria tosses her off, tangling Maryse in the ropes. Maria reaches up and snags the dice.
Winner: Maria
Match Rating: **
Next week on SD, the main event will be HHH vs. The Undertaker. It would have been this week, but the negotiations fell through.
Jesse & Festus vs. Kenny Dyktra/Ryan Braddock
JnF squash them. I forget the particulars as I was whooping the living shit out of Monkeystyle in Scrabble. He sucks, and his grasp of the English Language is worse than.......well......its pretty bad.
Winners: Jesse & Festus
Match Rating: ???
Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jeff Hardy
Man, talk about a decimation. This was the most one sided main event I have ever seen in 15+ years of watching wrestling. Vlad the Impailer came out and just straight up destroyed Jeff Hardy. It was bump after bump after bump. And Jeff, to his credit, sold like a champ. He even got in not ONE, but TWO Whispers in the Wind. But it all ended with a nasty headbutt.
Winner: Vladimir Kozlov
Match Rating: ** (one sided but still entertaining)
10 matches on Smackdown this week, HOLY SHIT! It was so this time around. Better than last week but not that great either. MOTN was Truth vs. MVP but really, nothing really JUMPED OUT this week. And with that, its all over. Go read SPs Raw Review before you leave the section, otherwise, TDKs mom will shit on you. :horse:
The Big Show and his lackey come out. I know some people might think it demeaning, but Chavo is a born lackey. He just fits the role so well. Anyway, Show says its time for a demonstration. He will SHOW (heh heh heh get it? Because his name is the "big show"? :tomato
us the types of matches we can vote on for Cyber Sunday when he faces The Undertaker. The first is, a "Knock Out" match.
The Big Show vs. Jobber 1
TBS gives him a right cross and the guy is KOd.
Winner: The Big Show
Match Rating: *
Then The Big Show says the next demonstration will be of an "I Quit" Match.
The Big Show vs. Jobber 2
TBS locks in the Million Dollar Dream and the guy quits.
Winner: The Big Show
Match Rating: *
Finally, TBS says the last match choice will be "Last Man Standing" (last I could tell, not answering the 10 count was tantamount to a count out, but whatever)
The Big Show vs. Jobber 3
Chavo Guerrero has placed a table in the ring. TBS chokeslams the last guy through a table and the ref counts to 10.
Winner: The Big Show
Match Rating: *
Comments: All of you people who complain about there not being enough matches on WWE TV, :2up:
The Colons vs. HnR Edgehead for the WWE Tag Team Titles
Primo starts out with Ryder. Primo works him over and tags in Carlito. We get a nice drop toe hold/leg drop combo. Ryder backdrops Carlito to the apron. He fight off Hawkins but Ryder takes him to the outside and we get some heel shenanegains. Carlito plays your face in peril as HnR Edgehead double team him and grind him down with some pretty basic submissions. Primo finally gets the hot tag and the crowd (canned or not) goes nuts. And I will say this about the young Colon boy, he has a wicked drop kick. He fights off both HnR Edgehead with Carlitos help and scores the W with a nice, albeit sloppy top rope drop kick. (At least its not the Overdrive)
Winners: The Colon Brothers
Match Rating: **3/4
MVP tells us he is still ONE WIN AWAY from getting his fat bonus. And tonight he is going to get that win over R-Truth
R-Truth vs. MVP
You know I never used to believe it. People have been saying the same thing for years and years. The WWE hates the black man. But now I see, its totally true. They are keeping the black man fighting with himself instead of trying to take the white mans gold. And that United States Title doesnt count, thats as worthless as the ECW title >_>. Black on black crime starts with a lock up and Truth out K-Kwiking MVP. But MVP gets him on the apron and gives him a reverse stunner using the top rope. Back in the ring, MVP pounds and grounds Truth and even uses an Orton Lock. Truth fires up and gets back into it with some clotheslines and some right hands but MVP kicks Truth after he telegraphs a back drop and then hits a neckbreaker. MVP misses the drive by kick and R-Truth headbutts him in the gut and then hits the (Pointless Spin) Axe Kick for the win.
Winner: R-Truth
Match Rating: **3/4
Vickie and Show are wating for someone. Who? Well first in comes Kung-Funaki. Nope, thats not it. Maryse comes in, wearing a VERY NICE maid's outfit, but shes not who they want either. No, they want to talk to The Great Khali and Funion Singh. They want Khali to go out and destroy The Undertaker. Khali tells them he is not their puppet but the Big Show tells him that Vickie can make his life a living hell.
The comes out and says that he was scheduled to face Super Crazy tonight but he cant because of a sore throat. Yeah, ok Axl. So instead, Super Crazy will take on Ezekiel Jackson instead.
Ezekiel Jackson vs. Super Crazy
El Squahsho, or however Soulpower would say it.
Winner: Zeke
Match Rating: *
Commnets: This is your SIXTH MATCH tonight!!!
HHH is The Game, and he is that damn good, thanks for the reminder.
The Undertaker vs. The Great Khali
Khali shows off his power by shoving Taker around and then locking in a very, VERY big headlock. Just think how it would be to have that put on you. Khali clubs him in the back and Taker retreats to a corner. The Great Khali goes in for the kill but The Undertaker is way too fast for this schlameil. UT comes back, throwing ham bones of his own. Taker gets distracted and Khali takes advantage. But we get some back and forth until The Great Khali drops Taker with a huge clothesline. A sloppy bodyslam and sloppy leg drop leads to a 2 count. Khali locks in the dreaded nerve hold and drives Undertaker into the mat. Taker gets up and fights out of it with his patented strikes but its all for naught has The Great one hits a ninja chop! Brain squeeze by Khali but its not enough as Taker gets back into it and hits the flying clothesline. Before The Undertaker can follow up, The Big Show come out and chokeslams him. Show gets a chair and gives it to Khali and tells The Great One to hit Taker. Khali gives him a hindu F-U and walks out. As TBS yells at TGK, UT gets up and clotheslines TBS over the top rope.
Winner: The Undertaker
Match Rating: **
Victoria vs. Maryse vs. Maria vs. Brie Bella Nattie Neidhart in a Fuzzy Dice On A Pole Match The winner of this match becomes the number one contender to Michelle McCool. Victoria is queen of the hill as she starts off in the corner with the pole and fights everyone off. Nattie tosses her off and Maria sees an opening but Maryse yanks her off. She then empties the ring of Brie and Maria and goes for it. Nattie and Victoria stop her but Maria and Brie get involved. They get knocked off leaving Maryse, Maria, and Brie. Maryse takes out Brie. Maria and her duke it out and Maria tosses her off, tangling Maryse in the ropes. Maria reaches up and snags the dice.
Winner: Maria
Match Rating: **
Next week on SD, the main event will be HHH vs. The Undertaker. It would have been this week, but the negotiations fell through.
Jesse & Festus vs. Kenny Dyktra/Ryan Braddock
JnF squash them. I forget the particulars as I was whooping the living shit out of Monkeystyle in Scrabble. He sucks, and his grasp of the English Language is worse than.......well......its pretty bad.
Winners: Jesse & Festus
Match Rating: ???
Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jeff Hardy
Man, talk about a decimation. This was the most one sided main event I have ever seen in 15+ years of watching wrestling. Vlad the Impailer came out and just straight up destroyed Jeff Hardy. It was bump after bump after bump. And Jeff, to his credit, sold like a champ. He even got in not ONE, but TWO Whispers in the Wind. But it all ended with a nasty headbutt.
Winner: Vladimir Kozlov
Match Rating: ** (one sided but still entertaining)
10 matches on Smackdown this week, HOLY SHIT!
It was so this time around. Better than last week but not that great either. MOTN was Truth vs. MVP but really, nothing really JUMPED OUT this week. And with that, its all over. Go read SPs Raw Review before you leave the section, otherwise, TDKs mom will shit on you. :horse: