Okay, so I don't usually do this but I decided to watch Impact last night in an attempt to do one of these new columns and actually make it coherent and watchable, but it would take an amazing chef to make a shit sandwich palatable so I'm not liking my chances here without re-writing the whole show.
Opening segment featured the MEM and Matt Morgan.
First off, can we start the show with some actual wrestling for once? Homicide/Joe could've been a hot opener given some time and is the kind of thing that will get the crowd right into the show.
Regarding the segment though, the execution wasn't awful but Matt Morgan is the last guy who deserves to be in this position. He's boring in the ring and he has no mic skills to speak of. Since when did mediocrity become a desirable talent in wrestling? Not only that but given Angle's flimsy explanation for the PPV match shenanigans Morgan is also one of the dumbest most gullible people on the planet. Personally if I'm forced to run with this, I would've at least attempted to turn Morgan face and just skip the talking and have him come out with teh axe handle and start chasing motherfuckers to the back. Again though this would've been the kind of thing I'd start the second hour with, just to freshen things up a bit.
Beer Money vs British Invasion
The British Invasion are awful too. So awful that it took TNA almost a week to convince NJPW to recognize them as their tag champs. Dixie must give great head tbh.
Match was stupid. Plastic bags over the head being used as a weapon. Last time I checked you didn't want to literally kill your opponent. Stupid illogical shit like that pisses me off. Also, it's a No DQ match? Why? More to the point if you're going to do a gimmick match, hype it at least just don't throw it on cold with no build up. Fucking stupid. The match result was the right one though, so at least they did something right here. Though I would've added more buld up to the match over the show and put it on later.
TBP Segment
I ignore these segments as tits and ass aren't enough to make me forget how bad this is. CUT!
ODB, Deaner, Foley & Abyss Segment
Way to completely devalue your knockouts title. You, TNA, are aware that the credibility of the KO's belt and the quality of the competitors are something that actually made you different from WWE in a good way? Treating this belt like a piece of shit is just plain counter productive. How's about ODB kicks Deaners ass, takes the title away from him and actually defends the belt instead of bitching to Foley?
The Foley and Abyss part of this though I enjoyed. I don't like Abyss very much as he's very one dimensional, but this segment was at least good in maybe establishing a bit more of a personality for him through his interactions with Foley.
Rayne vs Love
Cut! This match and everything surrounding it was useless and the time could've been better spent elsewhere.
MCMG Segment
Worked shoot? This has Russo written all over it in big, bright red ink. How's about we cut this segment and use the time saved on the show to give the Guns a tag match say against Kyoshi/Bashir and have them go over in convincing fashion? Maybe that's too sensible. Wouldn't want to build up the guys that the fans really want to see, or even put them on the show in a match now would we?
Homicide vs Joe
What the hell was up with the commercial? Match was great but who produces this garbage?
Again I would've opened the show with this. No idiot commercial placement, given them a couple of extra minutes and instead of Joe going over clean. Which really only hurts the now returned Homicide. Have him take the agression over the edge and take a double count-out result as he brutally assaults Homicide on the outside. This felt like a blow-off match of a feud that should just be starting.
KO's Tag Title Segment
Why? Don't you have enough belts? Don't you think that if you don't have your X division and KO's division credible right now that adding another title that you're just going to devalue inside three months is pretty fucking stupid? I would've scrapped the entire segment and re-packaged it as build up for 4-Way KO's title shot.
Kong vs Brooks vs Hemme vs Sarita
Fine match stupid premise. Just do as I said above and you have a much more logical procession. Ending was fine too, makes me want to see Awesome Kong choke a bitch.
Dinero vs Creed
Great match, first thing I won't complain about at all. Dinero gets the win and looks solid without any of the typical goofiness...
Suicide enters...
Whoops, spoke too soon. I guess if I have to worki with this feud then this is the way to go. The premise of the Suicide character is still stupid.
Morgan Segment
Okay so they covered the most gullible person on the planet problem here, which is good but really blew the exection in the match and I'll tell you why in the main event segment. Morgan still sucks as a promo and still doesn't merit world title shots in my ever so humble opinion.
AJ Styles/Sting Segment
Not bad. Seems a little contrived but wrestling these days usually is. It was effective in showing how much AJ cares about wrestling in general and Sting gives AJ a decent 'buck up, kid' speech but none of this means anything if AJ goes nowhere afterwards. Also I would've put this segment earlier in the first hour for reasons to be explained. Though aside from that I'd leave the segment as is.
Hernandez/Young Segment
Fine segment, nothing mid blowing but serviceable. It's going to take a lot to make Eric Young serious and credible again but they're trying. Too bad his stable is pretty much jobbers and it's hard to take you seriously when your entire stable is just as big a jobber as you are. I'd actually like to see Hernandez join as I think him as a heel vs AJ Styles over the WHC later on would be a great feud. Leave the segment as is and have Hernandez join next week or something.
Lashley/Angle segment.
One angle at a time here people. There's still plenty of time to put Angle and Lashley in the mix. Let Angle lose the title first though otherwise the whole story line just becomes too busy and convoluted. CUT!
Angle/Morgan vs Team 3D
Okay so here I would've had the entrances exactly the same except Kurt doesn't come out for his match, so after a few moments cut to the back where you see Kurt and the rest of the MEM getting into a limo laughing at Morgan having to face 3D alone. Ref forces the match to start and Morgan faces 3D on his own. Morgan would get the better of 3D at the start but lose gas and 3D takes over on offense pretty quickly. Morgan gets dominated by 3D but avoids the tables until AJ Styles runs down for what would be a fairly big pop and puts himself in Morgan's corner begging for a tag. This could be explained later by having AJ say that he respects Morgan, who beat him fair and square and couldn't let the MEM get another victory.
AJ and Morgan work together put one of 3D through a table to win the match and blow up the MEM's plans in their face like so many ACME products purchased by Wile E. Coyote.
Finish sends the crowd home happy and now you have a real coalition of two strong faces who just want to make the Mafia suffer.
Y'know, I think I might've actually made that shit sandwich palatable after all. Tell me what you think.
Opening segment featured the MEM and Matt Morgan.
First off, can we start the show with some actual wrestling for once? Homicide/Joe could've been a hot opener given some time and is the kind of thing that will get the crowd right into the show.
Regarding the segment though, the execution wasn't awful but Matt Morgan is the last guy who deserves to be in this position. He's boring in the ring and he has no mic skills to speak of. Since when did mediocrity become a desirable talent in wrestling? Not only that but given Angle's flimsy explanation for the PPV match shenanigans Morgan is also one of the dumbest most gullible people on the planet. Personally if I'm forced to run with this, I would've at least attempted to turn Morgan face and just skip the talking and have him come out with teh axe handle and start chasing motherfuckers to the back. Again though this would've been the kind of thing I'd start the second hour with, just to freshen things up a bit.
Beer Money vs British Invasion
The British Invasion are awful too. So awful that it took TNA almost a week to convince NJPW to recognize them as their tag champs. Dixie must give great head tbh.
Match was stupid. Plastic bags over the head being used as a weapon. Last time I checked you didn't want to literally kill your opponent. Stupid illogical shit like that pisses me off. Also, it's a No DQ match? Why? More to the point if you're going to do a gimmick match, hype it at least just don't throw it on cold with no build up. Fucking stupid. The match result was the right one though, so at least they did something right here. Though I would've added more buld up to the match over the show and put it on later.
TBP Segment
I ignore these segments as tits and ass aren't enough to make me forget how bad this is. CUT!
ODB, Deaner, Foley & Abyss Segment
Way to completely devalue your knockouts title. You, TNA, are aware that the credibility of the KO's belt and the quality of the competitors are something that actually made you different from WWE in a good way? Treating this belt like a piece of shit is just plain counter productive. How's about ODB kicks Deaners ass, takes the title away from him and actually defends the belt instead of bitching to Foley?
The Foley and Abyss part of this though I enjoyed. I don't like Abyss very much as he's very one dimensional, but this segment was at least good in maybe establishing a bit more of a personality for him through his interactions with Foley.
Rayne vs Love
Cut! This match and everything surrounding it was useless and the time could've been better spent elsewhere.
MCMG Segment
Worked shoot? This has Russo written all over it in big, bright red ink. How's about we cut this segment and use the time saved on the show to give the Guns a tag match say against Kyoshi/Bashir and have them go over in convincing fashion? Maybe that's too sensible. Wouldn't want to build up the guys that the fans really want to see, or even put them on the show in a match now would we?
Homicide vs Joe
What the hell was up with the commercial? Match was great but who produces this garbage?
Again I would've opened the show with this. No idiot commercial placement, given them a couple of extra minutes and instead of Joe going over clean. Which really only hurts the now returned Homicide. Have him take the agression over the edge and take a double count-out result as he brutally assaults Homicide on the outside. This felt like a blow-off match of a feud that should just be starting.
KO's Tag Title Segment
Why? Don't you have enough belts? Don't you think that if you don't have your X division and KO's division credible right now that adding another title that you're just going to devalue inside three months is pretty fucking stupid? I would've scrapped the entire segment and re-packaged it as build up for 4-Way KO's title shot.
Kong vs Brooks vs Hemme vs Sarita
Fine match stupid premise. Just do as I said above and you have a much more logical procession. Ending was fine too, makes me want to see Awesome Kong choke a bitch.
Dinero vs Creed
Great match, first thing I won't complain about at all. Dinero gets the win and looks solid without any of the typical goofiness...
Suicide enters...
Whoops, spoke too soon. I guess if I have to worki with this feud then this is the way to go. The premise of the Suicide character is still stupid.
Morgan Segment
Okay so they covered the most gullible person on the planet problem here, which is good but really blew the exection in the match and I'll tell you why in the main event segment. Morgan still sucks as a promo and still doesn't merit world title shots in my ever so humble opinion.
AJ Styles/Sting Segment
Not bad. Seems a little contrived but wrestling these days usually is. It was effective in showing how much AJ cares about wrestling in general and Sting gives AJ a decent 'buck up, kid' speech but none of this means anything if AJ goes nowhere afterwards. Also I would've put this segment earlier in the first hour for reasons to be explained. Though aside from that I'd leave the segment as is.
Hernandez/Young Segment
Fine segment, nothing mid blowing but serviceable. It's going to take a lot to make Eric Young serious and credible again but they're trying. Too bad his stable is pretty much jobbers and it's hard to take you seriously when your entire stable is just as big a jobber as you are. I'd actually like to see Hernandez join as I think him as a heel vs AJ Styles over the WHC later on would be a great feud. Leave the segment as is and have Hernandez join next week or something.
Lashley/Angle segment.
One angle at a time here people. There's still plenty of time to put Angle and Lashley in the mix. Let Angle lose the title first though otherwise the whole story line just becomes too busy and convoluted. CUT!
Angle/Morgan vs Team 3D
Okay so here I would've had the entrances exactly the same except Kurt doesn't come out for his match, so after a few moments cut to the back where you see Kurt and the rest of the MEM getting into a limo laughing at Morgan having to face 3D alone. Ref forces the match to start and Morgan faces 3D on his own. Morgan would get the better of 3D at the start but lose gas and 3D takes over on offense pretty quickly. Morgan gets dominated by 3D but avoids the tables until AJ Styles runs down for what would be a fairly big pop and puts himself in Morgan's corner begging for a tag. This could be explained later by having AJ say that he respects Morgan, who beat him fair and square and couldn't let the MEM get another victory.
AJ and Morgan work together put one of 3D through a table to win the match and blow up the MEM's plans in their face like so many ACME products purchased by Wile E. Coyote.
Finish sends the crowd home happy and now you have a real coalition of two strong faces who just want to make the Mafia suffer.
Y'know, I think I might've actually made that shit sandwich palatable after all. Tell me what you think.
